dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
