Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
