I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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