I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
