AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
