Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
