At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
