If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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