So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
