How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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