his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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