Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
