i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
