Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
