You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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