Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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