We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize