the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
