Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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