I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
