we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
