I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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