She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
