If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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