but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
