Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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