Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
