carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
