me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.