similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
