I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
