Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
