I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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