Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
