He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
