she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
