So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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