Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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