Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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