Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
