I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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