Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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