Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
