Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
a search helicopter?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
