Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
