is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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