i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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