a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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