She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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