my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
