lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
