I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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