we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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