I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
