i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize