doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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