Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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