He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
