I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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