You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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