dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
