she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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