his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
