Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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