I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
