You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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