You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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