Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
