i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
