you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
