i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
