the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize