Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
