wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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