We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
