I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
