The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
